Our God-Father, Provider

Sunday, my favorite day of the week. Not because it's my rest day, or because it's supposed to be "family day" but because it is the time were I could spend time with my Church, friends & to hear His word. He trully blessed this day.

Every Sunday, after work, I always go to GCF (Greenhills Christian Fellowship) to attend my DIscovery class. But even though I love attending church services and mingle with my fellow brothers & sisters, my heart is always half-hearted in attending the class(I think it's the enemy's way to disctract me). There's this desire in me to just skip it. Like I'm always feeling lazy to attend. But thanks to God's grace, I never miss any of my class! I know He wanted me to take it so that I could be equipped. He always helped we won the temptation & evil desires.

Discovery class is amazing. My teachers (Deacon Dan & Teacher Thelma) are great! God has really given them wisdom to discern and explain His words to each student. I love to hear their experiences. I love be surrounded with wise & responsible adults.They are my motivation. I want to be like them someday.

VCF Sunday never fails to energize me. I remember Pstr. Shaddy's words to my friend when we heard His preaching.. "It keeps on getting better" and indeed, my experience with God, my relationship, is getting better and better every single day!

Last night's preaching was ministered by Pstr Chinkee Tan. VCF center was jam packed! He preached about the series "Overflowing". It talks about God's generosity, His unlimited blessings and how we should ask God.

The service is AMAZING. It is so in time with what I'am facing right now. I really felt that God has re-assured me that nothing is too hard for Him to provide. We only have to ask Him and He will surely give it. He is not only WILLING, but also ABLE.

Pstr Chinkee Tan aslo emphasize that when we ask God, we have to be specific. We have to have the FAITH. Ask Him like child asking a Father.

Some of us are hesitant in asking God for something. Maybe because we are ashame, doubful or impatient. Ashame because we keep on sinning and we thought that God will not grant our prayers. Sin creates a gap between us & God. Sin makes us more dependent on ourselves rather than God's. Some of us are doubtful. Always thinking that God can never supply us the things we need. We always thought that God has a limit. And most of us are impatient. We don't like to wait. We'd take the first step in accomplishing or getting what we need, rather than waiting for God's perfect timing.

Those are only some of the reasons why we don't call upon God for help. But remember, if you are a child of God, you would know that our Father is generous and concerned with our concern. If our earthly father works 5 times a week, if he prioritize the needs of his children more than his own, and if he cares about you, what more is our Heavenly Father? He is our only provider.

I walked out of VCF full of happiness in my heart and a renewed faith. Words cannot express my gratitude for Him. He's just awesome in every way!

Let me just share this verse from the Gospel of Matthew. If you have any doubt that God can provide you your needs, rely on this verse.

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7

"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him" - Matthew 7:9-11

Lapis at Papel para sa mga taga Pange

I always have the desire to teach kids. Although I haven't had any experience on it, I believe that God planted this desire in my heart for a greater purpose.

I've been reading some article over the internet about the poorest barangay here in the Philippines.
And I found out that this barangay is suituated in Mindanao, particularly in Zamboanga.
According to the article, this barangay has no passable road, no elecricity, no daycare center, no portable water system and health center at all.

It is sad to know that even though we are already in the 20th century, many are still left behind. Many are still unable to experience the benefit of techonology. Specially when it comes to health & education.

I realized that I'am greatly blessed by my Heavenly Father and I know that He wanted me to share whatever blessing I have to those who are in need. Particularly the children.

And with the increasing number of OOSY (out of school youth), awareness and donations are highly needed to supply the needs of our less fortunate kababayan.
Honestly, I don't know where and how to start this project. I know some maybe raising their eyebrows, thinking that this will not materialize. But I know deep in my heart, God is calling me to do this. I know He wanted me to go there and make Him known to those people. I've been praying for this, and maybe this is His answer.

The Heavenly Man

I'm always excited when payday comes. First, I'm gonna be able to eat some good food (for real ^_^), second, I'm gonna be able to buy some cool stuff, third I'm gonna be able to share some of it to my fam and lastly, I'm gonna be able to buy some really worth reading books!

I never realize that I'm slowly collecting a dozen of books! From fiction, to autobiographies, to suspense, I even got a dozen of Archie comics too! It seems that my passion for reading is slowly taking place.

When I became a Christian, I've started buying books that will help me know more about God. My most precious book of all would be my Bible (TEV). I first got my own one last Feb (of this year). Since then, I became hooked to it. It was the most amazing thing I ever bought. I also purchased the Purpose Driven by RIck Warren, Chicken Soup, What Matters Most, Roadtrip, How to mend a Broken heart, I kissed dating goodbye (which I got from my sister) and so much more. And lately, I purchased a new one entitled: The Heavenly Man. It was a true story from a preacher from China. It talks about the man's conversion, calling, suffering, persecution and deep faith in Jesus.

It is such an amazing story to read (I encourage you to get a copy and be moved as well on how God uses this man to spread the Good News in China). It highlights God's magnificent power, love, greatness & the man's unshaken faith.

While reading this book, I once asked myself, "Will I ever be like this man?, will I ever be as bold, courageous, faithful, humble as he is?" I feel like crying after I asked that to myself. I always thought that I'm already doing some great work for my Lord, (I know God pays attention to everything that we're doing for His kingdom) but I feel guilty because I know deep inside my heart that I'm not as dedicated as this man. I'm still struggling, still attached to this world, still longing for something.

I know there is a reason for everything. And I know that God wanted me to read this book and realize that I'm here for a purpose. For His purpose.

I'm not yet done reading this book, but I know God is speaking to me through it. I wanted to become like Brother Yun (the preacher), Sister Juan, and Deling. I know one day, I'm gonna be used by God to speak boldly about His Son. Soon, we will all be called to fulfill our purpose here on earth like the Heavenly Man...

My top 5 leading men...

They are not really my all time fave leading men, but I definitely enjoy watching their movies. So let's see what I got here... First of...

5. Justin Long

(boyish-looking actor with thick eyebrows and a friendly smile, that's how this guy captured the hearts of Drew Barrymore, Kaitlin Doubleday and more. I first saw him at Jeepers Creepers and boy, I can't get him out of my head.. )

4. Chris Evans
(This guy must be included in the hottest

guy alive list, if not, then shame on them! Christopher Robert Evans -in real life, often recognized for appearing in films adapted from comic books - Fantastic Four, Not Another Teen movie.)

3. Channing Tatum

(Channing Matthew Tatum, born April 26, 1980, is an American actor and film producer. He began his career as a fashion model and now appears in film roles. Would you believe that this guy over here was first cast as a dancer in Ricky Martin's "She Bangs" music video? Good thing he didn't end up with him ^_^)

2. Jason Statham

(I first saw him in the movie Italian Job and he definitely caught my attention because of his sexy accent and perfect looking abs! Jason was born in South London and still single!)

1. Leonardo DiCaprio

(No doubt this guy deserve to be in this spot. He keeps on getting better and better! DiCaprio's career began with his appearing in several commercials and educational films. I first saw him in the movie Titanic where he played the role as Jack Dawson)

Testing period

If God is testing me through my patience, for sure I'll fail it. BIG TIME! It's not my virtue. And it'll take a lot time & effort for me to develop it.

Today I know God is testing me again. And I must say it didn't go well. I even questioned Him about His ways.. Sometimes, I can't help but ask Him why is He doing that? Why is it hard for me to pass that simple yet very challenge test? I feel bad asking Him about it. I know better than questioning His thoughts & ways. I know why it has to be that way. And I also know why it should happen here, now...

Most of the time, my thoughts and actions are totally different from what I'm trying to become.. Very different from His likeness. It's hard, and I bet you know it is. We need His grace ALWAYS. And I'm gonna be needing it everyday of my life.

My testing period is not yet over. That's for sure. And if I continue to depend on myself alone, I'll probably get an F for my grade. I need Jesus everyday of my life. I badly need His presence specially in the kind of work that I have.... I need to learn on how to depend and trust Him wholeheartedly. Only He can help me pass the test that God has prepared for me..

Downpour on a Sunday afternoon

Because of the heavy rain I was forced to go home right away. I miss the service today. It's sad.. =(

I just hope everyone is not as wet as I am after this downpour..

Haaayyyyy.....

&*^&*^@*(@$@!@!$@$@$

I hate it!!! I'm totally pissed off! Darn it!
Shame on you who invented that modem. I bet you can sense my FRUSTRATION. Oh yeah! I'm totally tired of dealing with that cr*p.

Shame shame shame on you worthless modem! I hate you now more than ever. You're such a pain. Instead of making the life of your customer easy and worry-free, You're being the sole source of disappointment & headache.

I'm not mad at the customers (well sometimes I become irritated with them) instead, it's the system & the modem that I wanted to totally smash!

Sometimes, it's hard to keep your cool, even for me. Sometimes I wanted to just end the call, send the customer to a different department and go on with the next victim, I mean caller :D
But sometimes my conscience seems to know what to do, and she convicts me of doing the right thing.

Life here on Earth is really difficult. It's dificult to win over temptation, anger, bitterness, pain, lonliness IF WE DON'T HAVE JESUS. I still feel tempted, and sometimes I feel defeated by sin. But, I think God is telling me
to rely on Him and just keep doing what is good.

Life's purpose

I wanted to be an aircraft technician.
I want to study a different language.
I want to sponsor a child
I want to travel.
I want to teach kids.
I want to....... the list could go on & on.

Isn't it obvious that I wanted to accomplish a lot in my life? Well I do!
Before I became a Christian, all I wanted to do is to earn money, travel to different places, buy the coolest gadgets, have the latest clothes. Everything that money can buy!
But then I've come to realize that as soon as I'm done with the first one, I will not feel contented and most probably I will desire to accomplish some other things more!
Plus the fact that some of my "wordly" plans are quite hard to accomplish not to mention expensive too!

Now, my only and greatest desire is to serve God (please don't smirk on me like that). It may sound absurd, but my love for Him is much greater now than my love for this world.

I can't hardly believe myself for thinking like this now. Sometimes I often ask myself "are you sure you wanna do that?!" but I know He is speaking to my heart and He wanted me to show everybody His greatness. My life's purpose is NOT to work for this world. No. But to follow His desire and to harvest as many souls as possible.

Sometimes life could be really tough. Very unpredictable. But as long as we remain with our purpose and to stay firm with our faith with God, be sure that everything will be fine.

Even today I still feel confused on what should I do first. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed! I wanted to accomplish everything ASAP! But I know God is telling me to slow down. To stay put. To wait for his GO signal. Sometimes we taught that it's His voice that speaking to us, but beware, sometimes it's the enemy's voice! So don't be deceived. Listen to Him carefully and faithfully. You'll know your life's purpose. And I hope that you & I can both accomplish it for His glory.

Word@Work - Mission Strategy

Luke 10:1 After this the Lord appointed seventy-two others and sent them two by two ahead of him to every town and place where he was about to go. (NIV)

In case anybody should think that only the disciples were being trained in ministry (and therefore 'ordinary' believers had no responsibility in evangelism), Luke includes this episode. The Twelve had already been sent out on mission; now 72 others were told to go out. Their task was simply to announce that Jesus was coming, and that people needed to get ready for Him. It was the same job as John the Baptist's, to prepare the way for the Lord (Luke 3:4). But in addition, they were to demonstrate the power of God's Kingdom over sickness, as well as over ignorance and evil.

They were to be heralds, fore-runners, announcers: practical prophets who said, "We have met the Son of God, heard His truth and seen His power, and here is a sample of His kindness; welcome Him when He comes to your town!" Their task was critically linked with the expectation that Jesus would come to satisfy those who believed in every way. They went in pairs; partly for company and to increase their courage, and partly to check the pride which so easily creeps into 'successful' ministry. The key was that they were working with the Lord, under His instruction and expecting Him to complete the work.

Evangelism, mission and ministry were never intended to be complicated. All they require is the courage to say the truth about Jesus, and to demonstrate something of His truth and power to change lives. Find a Christian friend, pray together and seek the Lord's wisdom about where, when and how to share this wonderful message, meeting the needs of others as you go. Of course, there is no confidence for a fore-runner if you do not believe that the great person will come behind you: so we need to believe that the Lord will follow through your introduction of the person and work of Jesus. It would be a great shame if the Lord came close to one of your friends, family or colleagues and they were not ready to welcome Him as Saviour and Lord. So we all need to be alert each day: our presence in the community or workplace is God's advertisement that Jesus wants to meet them. So let's do our part well, together!

What do you want me to do Lord?

Sometimes, in the midst of our busy life, you get to have a moment of silence and reflection.

Minsan ang dami nating gustong gawin. We want things to be done all at once! As if we're trying to beat the deadline (deadline for what?). We force ourselves to work for something that is really not worth it. Something that will benefit our desire. Something that will win the approval of those people around us.

I've come to a realization lately. Realization about the things I thought I'm doing for Him. I normally read His Word and try to get the thought of it and forward an SMS to my friends, officemates and even to random people. My goal is for them to know Christ and God's love. I'm so happy every time I get the chance to send those messages to my friends. Hoping that they too, can feel God's love. But somehow, my feelings toward it has changed. I think God is telling me something. He's telling me that I'm not doing it right. That my purpose for doing it is slowly changing.

I've asked myself, "am I doing it for my friends to know and start a relationship with Christ or am I doing it for them to know that I'm a good Christian or am I doing it to prove to myself that I'm doing what I thought is pleasing in His eyes..." A lot of question has popped-up in my head. I feel guilty too. God made me realized that what I'm doing is not pleasing to Him anymore..

I talked to my friend. She told me that sometimes we thought that doing this "religious" stuff is always pleasing in God's sight.

She said that we need to be righteous NOT religious.

Sometimes even the things we do for our Lord is being used by the enemy to mislead us. We need to armed ourselves with His Word and to constantly speak to Him. I'm still wondering what does God want me to do.. Lately I've been thinking of ways on how I can please God. But I think what He really wants is for me to completely trust and believe His promises.

I'm still struggling. But with prayers and God's help, I know I will become what He wanted me to be..

Unexpected caller...

It is Sunday, one of my favorite day of the week. My spirit is high! I'm looking forward to this day. I'm excited to go to church after work. Everything is perfect. I'm not late today (proud of it)which is a very good sign too. Like what I said, everything is on the right place! Although it's heavily queuing, it's fine with me...

Got a call from a lady (I think she's old because she said that she can't see things clearly anymore) asking assistance to get her email to work. I thought, "Another so so calls" I go through my routine, asking her questions relevant to her problems. The call went fine. It was a good one. Short call. Then before we end up the call, the lady (Her name is Ms. Dorothy Ledum) asked a question. A question that I've heard before.. "Lanie, do you believe that Jesus is your Savior?" she asked. My heart was filled with joy after hearing her question. This woman on the other side of the phone is my sister. Sister in Christ! I immediately said that I'm a Christian. To be honest, on my almost 5 years of being a technical support agent, this is the very first time that I've encountered a person like her. I mean, we're both Christian! It's just awesome! I'm so happy to speak to her! We prayed over the phone and it's just wonderful. My heart is full of joy! I can't explain it. I just admire her. She uses every opportunity she has to speak out the truth about Jesus!

I will never ever forget her. She's an inspiration to me. I thank God for letting me talk to her this morning.

Wherever you are Ms. Ledum, our conversation earlier is one of the best calls I ever had. Thank you so much for being a blessing.

Servant of God...

Being a Christian is NOT easy. Definitely not. There's a lot of problems to face. Persecution to endure. Trials to overcome. And there's a lot of people to reach out. I'm not complaining, not at all. Honestly, I haven't been to any of those yet. Well, there are times that I've been persecuted, I heard a lot of harsh judgement. But that's fine with me. I don't really give a thing to those. It made me sad, but it never made me look and go back to my old ways.

Sometimes I could hear myself asking, "am I doing anything good for my Lord?" "am I truly following Him?". Sometimes I feel that I'm useless. Sometimes I feel that no matter what I do, it will never be pleasing to my Lord's eyes. At times, I think that I'm not worthy to be called His child....

But God always find a way to make me realize that He appreciate every single thing that I'm doing for my neighbors, for Him. That He treasures me and He is so proud of what I've become.

Like the father, on the story about the prodigal son, God has all the reason to celebrate for having her daughter back to His arms once again.

As I continue my journey with Christ, I keep in my heart & mind the purpose why God had called me. His promises of eternal life always thrilled me, it even makes me wanna cry out of joy! It's amazing to find out that we are being included to the few, elite and special people that will be in His kingdom someday! And the excitement of knowing it and not sharing it to those who haven't heard of it makes me uneasy. It's like keeping a very important thing that the whole world has the right to know. I'm being selfish in some way.

Our working permit for God is worth a lifetime. A responsibility that He bestow upon His trusted people alone. And it's our job to refer & hire others too! It's not easy. The enemy will ALWAYS find a way to distract, disturbed, destroy us. But worry not! Our mentor, shield, best friend is always with us. 24/7. His hotline is always OPEN. He will never put us on hold. He will never let us wait in a very long queue! Jesus is ALWAYS AVAILABLE for us. He always finds a way.

Now, let me ask you this, who do you work for? Choose your boss now. He's waiting for your application. =)

Victory over Pain

(Listening to Almost Over You by Sheena Easton)

Sometimes, we failed to see the true purpose of all the hardship and challenges that we are facing. It's normal. We tend to focus on the pain, on the heartache. That's our initial reaction. Nobody can tell us not to feel the pain and just pretend. Even Christ allowed himself to feel the pain. He cried. He allowed himself to grieve for the lost of His dear friend Lazarus. It's part of our nature. We can't take that kind of response out of our system.

I have a friend who's really in a deep pain right now.. I can feel her pain, I can see her suffering from the heartbreak. I know I can relate to it, I've been through it myself. She once said, "Sana hindi na lang siya binigay ni God.." I understand her bitterness towards the situation. I know she's not directly questioning God's intention or purpose, but somehow, I feel that she has doubts about what God is planning for her. It is normal to feel bad, to ask question as to why this had happened instead of the other one. Again, I've been through that phase too. And honestly, during my own heartbreak, all the answer that I've heard seems to be not making sense to me. I can't accept the fact that we are DONE. That all their advise of moving on and acceptance is not helping me at all!

Jesus is the ultimate healer. Our one of a kind BFF! (Best friend forever). I can still remember the time when I asked Jesus to heal my broken heart. I cry to Him, pleading to restore my shuttered life. And Jesus did. Without having second thoughts, he helped me to revive my almost dying heart..

God has all the reason and answer why we are in pain. Actually God didn't cause that pain, this world has caused it. It's because this world is full of sin. He has a VALID reason why we have to undergo such trials. All He want us to do is to remain focus to Him. I know it's difficult. Yes sometimes it's hard to stay focus to Him when everything else is falling. But remember what He said. He won't forsake us, He will never abandon us.

I'm happy that God let me feel the pain. I'm glad He allowed me once in my life to be broken hearted. Why? Because I was able to come closer to Him and understand more His will than mine. He allowed me to undergo such pain for me to grow and live a life which is more meaningful and pleasing in His eyes!

God's amazing grace

I miss my blog. I've been busy for the last past weeks and I haven't had enough time to share my thoughts lately.

Time seems to pass so unconsciously fast. I can't hardly believe that it has been 5 months since the dreaded "b.u" day (short for break-up day. lol) and here I am, feeling more alive than ever!

Every step that I take now in my life is really worth it. And it's all because of Jesus. Jesus heals my heart. He gave me a second chance, and this time, I'm not gonna blew it! I'm lovin' every single day of my life now and it's all because of God's amazing and matchless grace!

Can you imagine life without His grace, His presence in our life, His love? I cannot. I don't think I can survive a day without God's guidance. No... He's all I ever need.

Everything is doing great right now.. I have a ministry (Young professionals) now at Word of Hope and I also have a vgroup (small group) at Victory. God is continue blessing me with so much grace! I'm so thankful to my friends. They keep on inspiring me to continue what I had begun.

Now I understand the true meaning of happiness. It's not only on having so much material things in this world, accomplishments, success in career, having a lot of friends (especially in facebook. lol) being in a relationship, places you've been to, but true happiness comes within. True happiness comes from having a true relationship and understanding of Jesus. Happiness is serving Him with all your heart. Happiness is knowing that after this life here on earth, there is another life greater than what we've experience here. Life with Jesus in heaven. Life without sadness, without hardship. But pure glory and happiness!

I hope all my friends and you who is reading this right now could also experience this kind of happiness. Happiness that money can't buy, happiness that can't be given by someone else but only by Jesus.

Word@Work - May 27

As promised, I'm gonna be posting some of the daily devotionals that I'm receiving from BeaconLight. I thank God for giving us this kind of technology. It is much faster to spread & communicate His good news!

The title for today's devotional is: Open for business

Luke 7:36-38 Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. (NIV)

The woman was known for her grubby reputation. 'Nice religious' people did not want to know her; but she believed that Jesus was different. So when she arrived at a smart dinner party, without an invitation, it caused quite a stir. Jesus and the other guests would have been reclining on low couches with their legs stretched out away from the central table. Standing behind Jesus, this weeping woman's tears splashed onto His feet, which she dried with her un-braided hair before breaking open a vial of expensive perfume and pouring it on Jesus' feet.

The questions everybody was asking were, "Why did she come, why was she weeping, why did she get so close to Jesus, why the perfume and why did Jesus not reject her?" The rest of the narrative will unfold over the next few days, but by this stage in the story all we know is that she came because she wanted to come, she wept because she could not help it; and we know that Jesus did not reject her at all.

Jesus never rejects anybody who comes honestly grieving over their sin. Those who really hope that Jesus will be merciful to them will find mercy and grace and love in abundance. Often the first step is the most difficult, wondering if our catalogue of sin will repel the Saviour of the world, wondering if the religious authorities will resent a social outcast and prevent access to Jesus. The answer is simple: Jesus welcomes sinners because He came to accept their punishment, as though He was the sinner instead of us. See www.crosscheck.org.uk to know more. That is why you can confidently tell your family, friends and colleagues that Jesus is waiting for everybody who know they cannot escape from their own mess.

Word@Work

I just want to share with you this daily devotional that I have from Word at Work from BeaconLight. I'm so glad that I subscribe to it. It helps me to get back on track specially on those days that I'm loosing my faith. Whenever the enemy is surrounding me. And whenever I try to do things on my own strength.

I just hope this will help you as much as it is helping me. Just read on and meditate on God's words. God bless everyone!

DIVINE EVIDENCE

Luke 7:21-23 At that very time Jesus cured many who had diseases, sicknesses and evil spirits, and gave sight to many who were blind. So he replied to the messengers, "Go back and report to John what you have seen and heard: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor. Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me." (NIV)

John the Baptist was wondering if he had got it right about Jesus: was He really the Messiah promised by God throughout the Old Testament? John's gloomy prison cell spoke of despair, but he knew that Jesus would tell him the truth. So the Master told John's disciples to report about what Jesus had been doing, providing key evidence to reassure the evangelist.

Multiple healings and exorcisms were clearly acts of God; and Jesus' care to teach the poor (contrasting the religious leaders who flattered the wealthy) was another sign of God's compassion, freely giving truth to the oppressed. But was this the work of an inspired prophet or of the Son of God? John knew that God always speaks in advance of His actions, so the true Messiah would fulfil prophecy. And that was the final proof: Isaiah 61:1-2 says, "The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD'S favour and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn ..."

God's Word always confirms the truth about Jesus to those who seek the truth. That is why it is far more important to let God speak through His Word than to rely on what your feelings say. It may be hard to live as a Christian, but do not let your reactions to circumstances entangle your heart and take you away from your only Hope. Only God's Spirit (who always agrees with the written Word) can assure you of your security, whatever may be happening to you. That will then give you confidence to face your community and your colleagues in the knowledge that Jesus is in charge; and serving Him is always worth it!

It's been a while....

Whew! Thank God for letting me write again. I have a lot to say but I felt like it is not the right time to blog about whatever I have in my heart. Wooopppss.. I know this should be easy, just pour your hearts out and start typing in, but not for me.

Hmm.. It has been 5 months. Since the break up. I'm still single but extremely satisfied. No flings, no dates with the opposite sex, but I'm fine with that.. Well, sometimes I feel lonely, I envy those couples around me, I miss the feeling of having someone hugging, kissing, & comforting me, but I think it's just normal. I've never been single for more than 4 months in the past. So you have to understand where I'm coming from, haha!

Life is never easy, life is really unfair. Even though I'm already a Christian, bitterness, temptation, anger still eludes in my heart. I still feel the pain although I know that Jesus already saved me. The war has already been won, but the battle still continues.. Our struggles in life is an everyday battle. We tend to still fall, to miss the right spot. To be mislead, but guess what, on every mistake, on every wrong move, there's still hope for us to go back on the right track. And that hope is JESUS!

Whenever I feel like being bitter, angry and sad again, I always ask Jesus to heal the wounds in my heart. And He never fails to revive my dying heart. Jesus is just amazing! He's a true friend, a loving Savior and an Almighty God. Can you imagine it, He's always in love with us, and He'll never abandon all his friends.

Right now, I'm focusing my life to Jesus. I know I sometimes stumble and even backslide but, I know in my heart that Jesus is always there to guide me. I wish that someday, I could be as good as Him. To love others like the way He loves me and you. To see things like He sees them. With God's grace, I know we can be like Him. Nothing is impossible with God.

Happiness is not just a choice, but its an attitude that we must adopt. Happiness comes from a clear conscience and deep relationship with God. Life is something that we need to be thankful for, it is just given to us only once, so lets make the best out of it..

One with Christ...

Antipolo 2010 (April10)

(Me & my friends @ WOH)

I will never ever forget this day. The day when I open my heart in service to God. I never thought that this day is already planned by God. I'm just overwhelmed with His power and grace.. After all that I've been though, I was able to prove that no one can love us and remain by our side even in our worse state except our Savior Jesus Christ! He's the only constant being in this world.

I'm so glad that God is working in my life right now. I can't ask for more. I know I'm still going to face a lot of sufferings, heartaches, disappointment, & persecution in this world, but I also know that as long as I'm with Jesus, everything worth it. That everything I've done for Him will be rewarded in the coming days.

Today I surrender everything to Him. Today I'am God's servant...

Nothing is impossible

She really did it! Amazing! That was the first few words that I uttered after seeing her transformation. I'm not really a fan of her, but she truly deserves some "kudos" . if you're wondering who am I talking about, she's Jennifer Hudson. I can still remember her as the huge, African-American lady from the movie with Beyonce (I forgot the title, I'll update this after I remembers it). I never really thought that she'll turn up to be like this. I thought she's not conscious about her weight, 'coz she seems to be contented with the way she looks. Given the fact that people were able to embrace her despite of her weight.

She really motivates all of us not to loose hope, that we can change for the better. That nothing is impossible if we put our mind & heart on the things that we want to accomplish. If this lady was able to do it, so are we.

It is the same with our faith with Jesus. If we put all our heart & mind only to Him, nothing is impossible. Everything is possible with Christ. It is by faith that we are saved. It is through Jesus' love for mankind that He was able to endure the biggest challenge in His life.

God can give us everything that our heart's desire. We just have to believe in His power. We cannot survive this life without Him. He is all we need.

Moving on...

Its been 3 months since the break-up and I'm still single, but happy.. Alone, but not empty.

Some of my friends said that the effect of the break-up brings out the best in me. I'm really glad to hear that. At least I could say that there was something good out of the bad things that happened (I just remembered, the Bible also says that God can bring something good out of the bad situations that we face. Now I can really attest to that). It made me realize that indeed, I can be happy even though I'am single.

I still sometimes feel the need of having someone by my side. Someone that will watch over me, someone that will make me feel special. Someone that will make me feel loved.... Sometimes I feel empty too. Specially whenever I see couple. I used to be like them. I used to be happy with my loved one. I sometimes feel mad whenever I imagine my ex and his new girlfriend having a good time. I'm feeling the bitterness growing inside of me.

But, whenever I read the Bible and pray to God, I know He's watching over me. I know that He loves me. Whenever I listen to my ipod (I have a lot of worship songs on it), I can't help but be moved with the songs. I feel God's love through the songs. I envy those people who can do things such as singing, to bring people closer to God. To bring glory to God. I know I shouldn't be jealous to whatever talent they have, well maybe I'm just overwhelmed with their talents. I sometimes wish I'm like them. But like what Rick Warren said, each of us has been given a gift (talent) by God. It's just up to us to know what it is, and how to make use of it.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm still the same girl, like nothing has changed. I'm still the same girl who can make mistakes, who can bring sadness to my family & God. But whenever I remember what Jesus has said, "Whoever starts to plow, but keeps on looking back, is of no use to the Kingdom of God" I try not to make stupid decisions anymore. I try not to do things for the sake of dealing with my friends. Things that I will regret in the future. Actions that will displease God.

I'm not yet totally over with my previous relationship. I know there will come a time that I'll miss everything that we used to do. Moments that will make me remember of him. I can't really say that I depend God completely, I know I should, but part of me is still lost. And I'm constantly praying to God to show His mercy and grace to me, and to bring me back to Him.

I know Jesus is someone who I can really depend on. He's the only one I have. And even though this time is still difficult for me to get through, one day, you'll just see me smiling and writing about my glory days..

I kissed dating goodbye.. for now...

"When God knows you're ready for the responsibility of commitment, He'll reveal the right person under the right circumstances. " - Joshua Harris

Have you read the book by Joshua Harris entitled "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? Well if yes, that's good, I should assume by now that you know what's with that book. I hope that you were able to take some of Joshua Harri's points of view seriously.

For those who have not yet read the book, it's totally different from the typical feel good book -about dating and being in a relationship- that tells us the do's and don'ts in a relationship. Well, it does tell us some of the things that we shouldn't be doing when it comes to dating or relationship, but in a Christian way......... Christian?! Yes!

Did I catch your attention now? (I hope you're not raising your eyebrow right at this moment)

I never imagine myself entertaining this kind of thought. Christian dating, meaning, no sex, no physical intimacy. Focusing yourself or the relationship solely to please God. I think I can never, and will never do that.. Well, that's before...

Before I embrace God's word, His salvation and love, I thought that being kind, honest, loving, faithful, patient and some other good virtues are enough to please God when you're in a relationship. I never thought that being physically intimate with your partner would hurt God and would make me commit sin. Well it does!

Little do we know, the simple physical contact between two person can cause a fusion of unexpected emotions. Emotions that could lead to something that we could not control. We thought it is because of love.. Well, it's not, not really..

I have done a lot of crazy stuff before. I just couldn't imagine I did all of those things because I was INLOVE. I thought I was.. I thought it was the right thing.. I feel sick whenever I remember those things I did in the past. I hated myself because of that.. I regretted those times that I fall to the pit of temptation and lust. If I could just only turn back time.. But I guess, like everything that's going on with my life right now, everything happens for a very good reason.

It's not wrong to be in love and to be passionate with your partner. God told us to love one another. He encourages us to look after the other. But what is wrong is, when you put yourselves as the center of the relationship instead of God. If your priority was to please yourself and your partner by doing your "intimate" stuff instead of doing things which is pleasing to God.

I failed to do that when I was still in a relationship. All my past relationships are not pleasing to God. It was totally wrong. I used to lie to my parents. I used to skip work just for the heck of love. It's crazy. Really. I never thought that I'm already doing a terrible mistake. All i know, way back then was, I wanted to be with my guy, I wanted to please him, and I wanted to spend all of my time with him.. Even the time I should be spending with God was taken away because of my selfishness and ignorance.

After my recent break-up, my point of view in life has changed. My friend (Badet) told me once that "Hindi mo kailangan ng guy/bf para maging masaya" (You don't need someone just to be happy). At first I thought its not true. Of course I need someone! Everybody does. Someone that will make me feel special again. Someone that will love me.

But then again, the more I look for someone, the more I feel depressed, frustrated, and alone.

I talked to my friend, I asked her to pray for me. She told me to read the Bible. To seek God, Jesus.

I started attending Sunday mass at Victory Christian Fellowship (Galleria). Ever since then, my emptiness has gone. God had replaced the loneliness with joy! I'am alone, single, but I don't feel empty. That's different. And it's amazing. I admit, I still feel pain, I'm still missing the person, the feeling, anger sometimes is still there, but God is so amazing that He replaces all of those with joy and a different kind of love.

I made a decision not to date or be in a relationship for a year. Or until God says that I'm ready.

It may sound weird, you might even say that I can't make it. But I know I can.. I'm also aware that temptations will still be around the corner, and that I may feel lonely and empty at some time, but as long as I'm holding to the promises of the Lord which is more truthful and realistic than the promises I heard before from my past relationships, I know I won't feel sad or alone.

I will never look back. I will never go back to my old ways.. I promise God that from this day forward, I will be His servant and that I will honor Him in all my actions including my relationship.

One last cry

"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not." - Andre Gide

I thought I will never shed a tear because of him anymore. I thought I'm doing just fine. But like any other human being, once you were given a terrible news that you didn't expect (specially if its too soon to happen), your spirit will be totally crushed. It's like the pain has regenerated.

Before I heard the terrible news, I was fine. I'm starting to feel better. I was able to completely forget the break-up. I'm not even thinking of him anymore, although I'm still hopeful, I'm still optimistic that something good will happen to us. I even include him in my prayers. Then one day, the unexpected just happened.

One day I received a text from her cousin. I thought it was just a normal text, we frequently talk and share some stories over the phone. But this was different. She brought the most terrible news I ever had.

She said that his cousin (which is my ex) is already in a new relationship. It was less than 3 months after our painful break-up, and now, he has completely moved on.

I thought I can anticipate such kind of news, but I guess I was not very good at it..

It was so painful to know that he didn't love me anymore. It was so painful to know that our 1 year and 8 months relationship is finally over.

I checked their facebook accounts. And I was able to prove that he has found a new girl. They seem to look happy together. They had a bunch of photos together. It was the most painful moment I had. After looking at their accounts, I shut my computer down (I was shaking that time. I was trying to hold my tears as well because my mom & sister is around the corner. I don't want them to see me crying.) and went to my room immediately. And then, I cried.

My heart is pounding rapidly. My tears seems to be non-stop. I can't control my emotions. I held on my bible, I tried to pray to God, but it's useless. My emotions has overcome me.

I texted my friend, I told her everything. It was so painful. The courage that I have after the break-up has been tested once again. I was defeated by the pain.

Later that night, I decided to go to work. I needed to get out. I needed to be busy. Even though my heart is full of pain, I can't seem to cry. I feel numb. I talked to some of my friends and they told me to forget him already. That it was already the sign and the answer I've been waiting for.

Now, a couple of days after hearing the news, I can't really say that I'm ok again, but I'm feeling better now. I keep on thinking that God has a plan for me.

He has given me this trial, this pain because I know He wanted me to become a whole new person. Someone that can face all the adversity. Someone that will never loose his/her faith even in the most painful situation.

I may not clearly understand His plans for me right now, but like what the bible says, God will never give you something out of nowhere. He doesn't take pleasure in giving us this pain.

He's a God of Love. Not a God of pain. He loves us so much and He wanted us to grow. He wanted us to be righteous. He wanted us to be closer to Him.

I promised to myself that I'm not going to look back. I'm going to start living my life for God and my family. I've learned a lot from this experience. And when the time comes that I can stand again without feeling any pain, I can be proud of myself that I was able to surpass everything with God's help.

Trials are meant to happen... Part 1

Last night was a very exciting night, it was my first time attending a bible study class after a very long time (I think the last time I attended such activity was way back elementary days, imagine that. lol). My friend Badet invited me to join her. It was held on Word of Hope, in front of SM North Edsa.

I was not completely sure whether I could attend or not. My heart says YES, but my mind, because of its natural function which is to think, kept me from thinking about my obligations.

Obligations from my self, and from my job. Obligations from my self includes resting and sleeping. I'm still suffering from backache and I haven't gotten any sleep yet because me and my mom has been out since 9am that day. Obligations from work, of course I need to be there.

But because my heart is stronger than my mind (I know right! lol), I decided to attend the bible study and just skip my work (2nd day.. aww) for that night.

Lack of sleep plus backaches really prevented me from working that night. But good thing, it doesn't prevent me from going to that bible study. I just thought that its easier for me to earn money, than to earn the knowledge I needed to grow more closer to God. Plus, I know that whatever happens, God will provide...

First day of the bible study class and I was late. I blamed the traffic going to Monumento and the vehicles too! I really hated Samson road. It's a nightmare!

The topic for that night was all about growing through trials and persecutions. It was really in time for my experience. It was like meant for me.

The facilitator for that night was Pastor Edgar. There was like 10 of us there. No teenagers, mostly adults. I was happy to see that there are still people out there that are willing to spend their time for such activity. Committed to learn more about God's good news.

Let me share to you some of the things that we've discussed during our bible study.

I hope this could help you to realize that our problems are just part of our growth, and that God uses them for us to be stronger.

Growing through trials and persecutions

Introduction:

No one is immune to problems. Everyone does have problems of all sorts. Much as you do not not welcome them, problems are important for growth. Understanding God's purposes for trials and persecutions will help you continue your journey towards growth.

Understanding trials and persecutions

1. Trials or testings

* In order for us to grow, God will give us tests to see whether we've learn something in our stay here on earth. He will use those to see whether we can withstand great pressure that will prove our strength that comes from our relationship with God.

2. Persecution

* There will be times that people around you will insult or make fun of you because of your faith in God. They may not like the positive changes that are happening in your life. Your devotion to Christ may earn you the insults and ridicules of people, even those who are close to you. Although those may weaken you, just stay focus on your goal in serving and knowing God. He'll make sure that whatever insults or persecutions you experience here on earth, will be rewarded in His kingdom.

Benefits of going through trials

1. Trials and persecutions are part of growing.

*Problems are but normal occurrences in life. It is therefore, not unusual for a Christian to experience trials and persecutions. It is inevitable in the growing process.

2. Trials and persecutions happen for a purpose.

* No character in the Bible who had experienced great victory without trials and persecutions. God will work out something good out of your bad situations. Don't let problems discourage you from being close to God. Don't let it pull you down.

3. Trials and persecutions polish your character.

* God intends that all of God's children be like His Son Jesus Christ. He develops this "Christlikeness" in you through trials and persecutions. Every problem that comes your ways is an opportunity to build a better you.

I'll be posting the other things that we have discussed in our bible study on the next blog I'm gonna be creating. For a meantime, just try to concentrate first on those topics that I have posted now so that we could understand God's purposes better.

Remember, trials are meant to help you, not to destroy you. It may sound ironic, but all we need to have is a positive attitude towards everything. God is a god of love. He'll never abandon us. God bless everyone!

God & Gov - Week 3

"When we do our part as citizens, we can make a difference in our society"

I just got home from work and church service at VFC (Victory Christian Fellowship) in Galleria. I always look forward on Sunday because this is one of the days in the week were in I could express my faith and praise to our Lord God (not that I don't express it in my daily activities, its just that I feel more free to do it with my fellow Christians / believers). I encourage you to try going to a different church and discover what it can do for your life too.

Anyway, the service for this week is about God & the Government, which is also in time for the upcoming election. It's actually the 3rd and final week of this topic.

It is about our government (and any other government of this world) being under the guidance of our almighty Father.

It is true that without God's guidance and control over our government, our nation may be in the pit of division and destruction. If the leaders of this country does not fear and believe God, then, they won't fear or believe anything else except for themselves.

I sometimes feel hopeless for our country. Just look where we at right now, look what the previous administration did to our country. I sometimes feel that I don't care about our country or to our government or who'll be the next leader will be. But, like what the pastor said earlier in his preaching, there is always hope for our country. We must not stop praying for this country to change. That this country will be the chosen country of our Lord.

I always wanted to leave and move to a different country. I don't want to work here anymore because I have this thought in mind that I will not get rich here, that whatever I do, this country cannot provide me the things I needed. But, I came to realize that it's not all about gaining money, or being rich. My country needs me. My country needs someone who can be loyal and passionate about her, someone that cares enough to make a difference for her, despite of her shortcomings, despite of her failure, despite of whatever she cannot provide to me. We only got one country, and she needs us more than anyone else in this world.

Even though we may see our country as an imperfect one, we too are imperfect in some way, so instead of condemning or abandoning her, this is the right time for us to work together in order to bring peace and unity to this country.