Moving on...

Its been 3 months since the break-up and I'm still single, but happy.. Alone, but not empty.

Some of my friends said that the effect of the break-up brings out the best in me. I'm really glad to hear that. At least I could say that there was something good out of the bad things that happened (I just remembered, the Bible also says that God can bring something good out of the bad situations that we face. Now I can really attest to that). It made me realize that indeed, I can be happy even though I'am single.

I still sometimes feel the need of having someone by my side. Someone that will watch over me, someone that will make me feel special. Someone that will make me feel loved.... Sometimes I feel empty too. Specially whenever I see couple. I used to be like them. I used to be happy with my loved one. I sometimes feel mad whenever I imagine my ex and his new girlfriend having a good time. I'm feeling the bitterness growing inside of me.

But, whenever I read the Bible and pray to God, I know He's watching over me. I know that He loves me. Whenever I listen to my ipod (I have a lot of worship songs on it), I can't help but be moved with the songs. I feel God's love through the songs. I envy those people who can do things such as singing, to bring people closer to God. To bring glory to God. I know I shouldn't be jealous to whatever talent they have, well maybe I'm just overwhelmed with their talents. I sometimes wish I'm like them. But like what Rick Warren said, each of us has been given a gift (talent) by God. It's just up to us to know what it is, and how to make use of it.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm still the same girl, like nothing has changed. I'm still the same girl who can make mistakes, who can bring sadness to my family & God. But whenever I remember what Jesus has said, "Whoever starts to plow, but keeps on looking back, is of no use to the Kingdom of God" I try not to make stupid decisions anymore. I try not to do things for the sake of dealing with my friends. Things that I will regret in the future. Actions that will displease God.

I'm not yet totally over with my previous relationship. I know there will come a time that I'll miss everything that we used to do. Moments that will make me remember of him. I can't really say that I depend God completely, I know I should, but part of me is still lost. And I'm constantly praying to God to show His mercy and grace to me, and to bring me back to Him.

I know Jesus is someone who I can really depend on. He's the only one I have. And even though this time is still difficult for me to get through, one day, you'll just see me smiling and writing about my glory days..

I kissed dating goodbye.. for now...

"When God knows you're ready for the responsibility of commitment, He'll reveal the right person under the right circumstances. " - Joshua Harris

Have you read the book by Joshua Harris entitled "I Kissed Dating Goodbye"? Well if yes, that's good, I should assume by now that you know what's with that book. I hope that you were able to take some of Joshua Harri's points of view seriously.

For those who have not yet read the book, it's totally different from the typical feel good book -about dating and being in a relationship- that tells us the do's and don'ts in a relationship. Well, it does tell us some of the things that we shouldn't be doing when it comes to dating or relationship, but in a Christian way......... Christian?! Yes!

Did I catch your attention now? (I hope you're not raising your eyebrow right at this moment)

I never imagine myself entertaining this kind of thought. Christian dating, meaning, no sex, no physical intimacy. Focusing yourself or the relationship solely to please God. I think I can never, and will never do that.. Well, that's before...

Before I embrace God's word, His salvation and love, I thought that being kind, honest, loving, faithful, patient and some other good virtues are enough to please God when you're in a relationship. I never thought that being physically intimate with your partner would hurt God and would make me commit sin. Well it does!

Little do we know, the simple physical contact between two person can cause a fusion of unexpected emotions. Emotions that could lead to something that we could not control. We thought it is because of love.. Well, it's not, not really..

I have done a lot of crazy stuff before. I just couldn't imagine I did all of those things because I was INLOVE. I thought I was.. I thought it was the right thing.. I feel sick whenever I remember those things I did in the past. I hated myself because of that.. I regretted those times that I fall to the pit of temptation and lust. If I could just only turn back time.. But I guess, like everything that's going on with my life right now, everything happens for a very good reason.

It's not wrong to be in love and to be passionate with your partner. God told us to love one another. He encourages us to look after the other. But what is wrong is, when you put yourselves as the center of the relationship instead of God. If your priority was to please yourself and your partner by doing your "intimate" stuff instead of doing things which is pleasing to God.

I failed to do that when I was still in a relationship. All my past relationships are not pleasing to God. It was totally wrong. I used to lie to my parents. I used to skip work just for the heck of love. It's crazy. Really. I never thought that I'm already doing a terrible mistake. All i know, way back then was, I wanted to be with my guy, I wanted to please him, and I wanted to spend all of my time with him.. Even the time I should be spending with God was taken away because of my selfishness and ignorance.

After my recent break-up, my point of view in life has changed. My friend (Badet) told me once that "Hindi mo kailangan ng guy/bf para maging masaya" (You don't need someone just to be happy). At first I thought its not true. Of course I need someone! Everybody does. Someone that will make me feel special again. Someone that will love me.

But then again, the more I look for someone, the more I feel depressed, frustrated, and alone.

I talked to my friend, I asked her to pray for me. She told me to read the Bible. To seek God, Jesus.

I started attending Sunday mass at Victory Christian Fellowship (Galleria). Ever since then, my emptiness has gone. God had replaced the loneliness with joy! I'am alone, single, but I don't feel empty. That's different. And it's amazing. I admit, I still feel pain, I'm still missing the person, the feeling, anger sometimes is still there, but God is so amazing that He replaces all of those with joy and a different kind of love.

I made a decision not to date or be in a relationship for a year. Or until God says that I'm ready.

It may sound weird, you might even say that I can't make it. But I know I can.. I'm also aware that temptations will still be around the corner, and that I may feel lonely and empty at some time, but as long as I'm holding to the promises of the Lord which is more truthful and realistic than the promises I heard before from my past relationships, I know I won't feel sad or alone.

I will never look back. I will never go back to my old ways.. I promise God that from this day forward, I will be His servant and that I will honor Him in all my actions including my relationship.

One last cry

"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not." - Andre Gide

I thought I will never shed a tear because of him anymore. I thought I'm doing just fine. But like any other human being, once you were given a terrible news that you didn't expect (specially if its too soon to happen), your spirit will be totally crushed. It's like the pain has regenerated.

Before I heard the terrible news, I was fine. I'm starting to feel better. I was able to completely forget the break-up. I'm not even thinking of him anymore, although I'm still hopeful, I'm still optimistic that something good will happen to us. I even include him in my prayers. Then one day, the unexpected just happened.

One day I received a text from her cousin. I thought it was just a normal text, we frequently talk and share some stories over the phone. But this was different. She brought the most terrible news I ever had.

She said that his cousin (which is my ex) is already in a new relationship. It was less than 3 months after our painful break-up, and now, he has completely moved on.

I thought I can anticipate such kind of news, but I guess I was not very good at it..

It was so painful to know that he didn't love me anymore. It was so painful to know that our 1 year and 8 months relationship is finally over.

I checked their facebook accounts. And I was able to prove that he has found a new girl. They seem to look happy together. They had a bunch of photos together. It was the most painful moment I had. After looking at their accounts, I shut my computer down (I was shaking that time. I was trying to hold my tears as well because my mom & sister is around the corner. I don't want them to see me crying.) and went to my room immediately. And then, I cried.

My heart is pounding rapidly. My tears seems to be non-stop. I can't control my emotions. I held on my bible, I tried to pray to God, but it's useless. My emotions has overcome me.

I texted my friend, I told her everything. It was so painful. The courage that I have after the break-up has been tested once again. I was defeated by the pain.

Later that night, I decided to go to work. I needed to get out. I needed to be busy. Even though my heart is full of pain, I can't seem to cry. I feel numb. I talked to some of my friends and they told me to forget him already. That it was already the sign and the answer I've been waiting for.

Now, a couple of days after hearing the news, I can't really say that I'm ok again, but I'm feeling better now. I keep on thinking that God has a plan for me.

He has given me this trial, this pain because I know He wanted me to become a whole new person. Someone that can face all the adversity. Someone that will never loose his/her faith even in the most painful situation.

I may not clearly understand His plans for me right now, but like what the bible says, God will never give you something out of nowhere. He doesn't take pleasure in giving us this pain.

He's a God of Love. Not a God of pain. He loves us so much and He wanted us to grow. He wanted us to be righteous. He wanted us to be closer to Him.

I promised to myself that I'm not going to look back. I'm going to start living my life for God and my family. I've learned a lot from this experience. And when the time comes that I can stand again without feeling any pain, I can be proud of myself that I was able to surpass everything with God's help.

Trials are meant to happen... Part 1

Last night was a very exciting night, it was my first time attending a bible study class after a very long time (I think the last time I attended such activity was way back elementary days, imagine that. lol). My friend Badet invited me to join her. It was held on Word of Hope, in front of SM North Edsa.

I was not completely sure whether I could attend or not. My heart says YES, but my mind, because of its natural function which is to think, kept me from thinking about my obligations.

Obligations from my self, and from my job. Obligations from my self includes resting and sleeping. I'm still suffering from backache and I haven't gotten any sleep yet because me and my mom has been out since 9am that day. Obligations from work, of course I need to be there.

But because my heart is stronger than my mind (I know right! lol), I decided to attend the bible study and just skip my work (2nd day.. aww) for that night.

Lack of sleep plus backaches really prevented me from working that night. But good thing, it doesn't prevent me from going to that bible study. I just thought that its easier for me to earn money, than to earn the knowledge I needed to grow more closer to God. Plus, I know that whatever happens, God will provide...

First day of the bible study class and I was late. I blamed the traffic going to Monumento and the vehicles too! I really hated Samson road. It's a nightmare!

The topic for that night was all about growing through trials and persecutions. It was really in time for my experience. It was like meant for me.

The facilitator for that night was Pastor Edgar. There was like 10 of us there. No teenagers, mostly adults. I was happy to see that there are still people out there that are willing to spend their time for such activity. Committed to learn more about God's good news.

Let me share to you some of the things that we've discussed during our bible study.

I hope this could help you to realize that our problems are just part of our growth, and that God uses them for us to be stronger.

Growing through trials and persecutions

Introduction:

No one is immune to problems. Everyone does have problems of all sorts. Much as you do not not welcome them, problems are important for growth. Understanding God's purposes for trials and persecutions will help you continue your journey towards growth.

Understanding trials and persecutions

1. Trials or testings

* In order for us to grow, God will give us tests to see whether we've learn something in our stay here on earth. He will use those to see whether we can withstand great pressure that will prove our strength that comes from our relationship with God.

2. Persecution

* There will be times that people around you will insult or make fun of you because of your faith in God. They may not like the positive changes that are happening in your life. Your devotion to Christ may earn you the insults and ridicules of people, even those who are close to you. Although those may weaken you, just stay focus on your goal in serving and knowing God. He'll make sure that whatever insults or persecutions you experience here on earth, will be rewarded in His kingdom.

Benefits of going through trials

1. Trials and persecutions are part of growing.

*Problems are but normal occurrences in life. It is therefore, not unusual for a Christian to experience trials and persecutions. It is inevitable in the growing process.

2. Trials and persecutions happen for a purpose.

* No character in the Bible who had experienced great victory without trials and persecutions. God will work out something good out of your bad situations. Don't let problems discourage you from being close to God. Don't let it pull you down.

3. Trials and persecutions polish your character.

* God intends that all of God's children be like His Son Jesus Christ. He develops this "Christlikeness" in you through trials and persecutions. Every problem that comes your ways is an opportunity to build a better you.

I'll be posting the other things that we have discussed in our bible study on the next blog I'm gonna be creating. For a meantime, just try to concentrate first on those topics that I have posted now so that we could understand God's purposes better.

Remember, trials are meant to help you, not to destroy you. It may sound ironic, but all we need to have is a positive attitude towards everything. God is a god of love. He'll never abandon us. God bless everyone!

God & Gov - Week 3

"When we do our part as citizens, we can make a difference in our society"

I just got home from work and church service at VFC (Victory Christian Fellowship) in Galleria. I always look forward on Sunday because this is one of the days in the week were in I could express my faith and praise to our Lord God (not that I don't express it in my daily activities, its just that I feel more free to do it with my fellow Christians / believers). I encourage you to try going to a different church and discover what it can do for your life too.

Anyway, the service for this week is about God & the Government, which is also in time for the upcoming election. It's actually the 3rd and final week of this topic.

It is about our government (and any other government of this world) being under the guidance of our almighty Father.

It is true that without God's guidance and control over our government, our nation may be in the pit of division and destruction. If the leaders of this country does not fear and believe God, then, they won't fear or believe anything else except for themselves.

I sometimes feel hopeless for our country. Just look where we at right now, look what the previous administration did to our country. I sometimes feel that I don't care about our country or to our government or who'll be the next leader will be. But, like what the pastor said earlier in his preaching, there is always hope for our country. We must not stop praying for this country to change. That this country will be the chosen country of our Lord.

I always wanted to leave and move to a different country. I don't want to work here anymore because I have this thought in mind that I will not get rich here, that whatever I do, this country cannot provide me the things I needed. But, I came to realize that it's not all about gaining money, or being rich. My country needs me. My country needs someone who can be loyal and passionate about her, someone that cares enough to make a difference for her, despite of her shortcomings, despite of her failure, despite of whatever she cannot provide to me. We only got one country, and she needs us more than anyone else in this world.

Even though we may see our country as an imperfect one, we too are imperfect in some way, so instead of condemning or abandoning her, this is the right time for us to work together in order to bring peace and unity to this country.

To forgive is also to forget...

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend" - William Blake

They say, to forgive is to forget. You cannot completely forgive a person if you're not willing to let go of everything he or she has done to you.. True. As long as you remember the pain, the bad experiences, the tragedy that brought you to your depression, and the person that caused you the heartache, the pain comes back, the bitterness will eventually lead you to reviving the anger.

We might say, "It is not easy to just forget everything. It is not easy for me to just forget the harsh words, the cruel things that he/she has done to me, I can't. Not now.. " It's understandable that you feel hesitant on giving or offering your forgiveness to those who had offended or hurt you. We sometimes use this pain as a means for us to move on. We tend to divert our weaknesses to something more powerful, something that can easily help us to heal the wounds, and that is called ANGER.

It is easier for us to get mad, to hate somebody, than to forgive. That's human nature. But have you realized that it is more painful and tiring? Holding grudges requires you the effort to be mad, it requires you to remember all the bad things you have encountered with that person. Isn't it more tiring than nothing to worry or be mad at the first place?

I ask myself, "Do I have to forgive him for leaving me? Do I have to forgive him even though I feel that I'm the one responsible for the break-up? What it is for me to forgive if he thinks that I'm the one who caused it." I still have that question until now, but I chose to just forgive him and myself for everything. I know he may not ask for my forgiveness but Jesus told us to forgive everybody even if they don't ask for it. He also told us to completely forget everything.

We sometimes feel that it is unfair to just forgive and let go of the pain, but come to think of it, Jesus died in the cross to redeem us, to free us from our sins so that we can share God's glory and kingdom in heaven. He has the choice not to do it, but because of His love for us, He did it. What if Jesus said "Why do i have to suffer just to save them from their sins, what is it to me? It is unfair." But Jesus never thought of it even once. Jesus received and endured all the pain for our salvation. He really don't need to do it, but because of His great love for us, he sacrificed his life just for us.. God has all the right to be mad at us. He has given everything to us, but we still forget Him. He offered his son Jesus to redeem and save us, but we often fail and move away from Him. He can chose to abandon us, but He will never do that because He loves us more than anything in this universe.

If God can forgive and forget all are shortcomings, all are failures, all our bad attitudes, all our weaknesses, then why can't we forgive those people who have caused us pain?

Why do we have to live a life full of grudge, anger, sadness and bitterness if we can live a life full of compassion, patience, understanding and love?

I always pray to God that He give me the understanding and the willingness to forgive myself and those people who have hurt me. I always pray that they can also forgive me from all the pain and trouble that I caused.

It is not easy for us to just forgive and forget especially if the person who has done us wrong is dear to our hearts. But, it is more important for us to let go of everything than to live a life full of pain and bitterness. Remember, it takes a great effort to remember the pain and all the bad experiences that marked into our hearts, so instead of using the effort negatively, just continue to live your life to the fullest and start loving your neighbor as you love God and yourself.

Joy comes in the morning...

"Good friends are gift from God" - Anonymous

As you may already know, I've been to a very deep, dark, uncontrollable stage of life. This was the time I needed everyone to listen, listen and listen to all my stories.

As I begun telling the real story behind the break-up, rather than feeling relieved of emptying my heart with all the details, I even feel more depressed and hurting.

What in the world is going on? Do I have to keep it all by myself then feel the pain again, or do i have to tell it to everybody and then, feel the pain again.. Either way, I still feel the same pain.

What am I supposed to do then? I'm stuck. It's a dead end for me.. But to my surprise, it is not.

One afternoon, I went to a bookstore, trying to find a book that was suggested to me by my dear friend. It's called, "The break-up diaries" its all about how to move on after the tragic break-up.

Sadly, the book is out of stock. I end up buying this inspirational book called "What matters most"

I never really intend in buying it, but because I was already there, and the book I'm supposed to be buying is out of stock, I was left with no other choice.

As I scan the first few pages of the book, my attention was caught by those stories submitted by random, normal people just like me.

There was this story about a guy facing a tremendous health problem. He was unprepared by the sudden news. He was left with nothing but faith in God. I was so moved by the story.

I felt that my problem is nothing compared to what he has encountered. That I just lost my relationship with someone, but this guy, is about to lose his life.

Every page on this book offers some wonderful stories about faith, hope, trust and love. It helped me realized that God is everywhere. That He uses everything for us to grow, even our problems and difficulties in life for us to be righteous and for us to be like Jesus.

My godly friends are also one of the reasons that helped me to be like this. They are the ones

that helped me survived my darkest days. They didn't get tired of me. They didn't lose their faith in me.

My friends, the bible, the book that I purchased (What matters most & The purpose driven life) and my family are the reasons why my life right now is on track.

God helped me to be stronger than before. He renewed me with strength and peace of mind that I never thought I can get.

My nights might still be cold and full of tears, but I know that my mornings will be renewed by God with so much joy and I will be triumphant.

Let me end this blog with a verse from the bible.

"Tears may flow in the night, but Joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5

The day when my world stood still

"When you have nothing left but God, then for the first time you became aware that God is enough." - Maude Royden

Two months ago, my world seems to stop. My days are endless. The time seems to pass slowly. All I wanted to do is for this feeling to end A.S.A.P. But the more I make it go away, the more it stayed in my heart..

The person whom I loved the most has left me. The person I thought that would stick with me through everything has said good bye.

I never thought our relationship would end this way. Although I must say, we've been arguing for almost a year, but it never occurred to me that he'll be the one saying good bye.

He said he didn't need me or love me anymore. Those very words created a mark in my heart. I can still feel pain whenever I remembered them. I think it'll take time before those marks will be clear again.

To be honest, I know I contributed a lot for this event to happen. I became insensitive of his feelings, I became selfish of his time. I became self-centered.
I still miss him. I'm still hoping that one day, he'll come back to me, and we'll start all over again.

The day when everything seems to be out of control and painful, is also the day that God has shown his mercy and love for me. I know I'm not worthy for His mercy and kindness but because God is a God of love, He extend his hand to me.

I cried almost everyday. I cried because I lost someone whose so dear to me. I cried because I'm not use to being alone. I cried because I knew way back then, that I can't survive without my ex beside me.

But, Christ has changed all my perspective. He also changed the way I feel. He changed the way I think.. At first, I thought praying for God's assistance and mercy is not enough for me to go on. True. It's not enough for me just to ask Him what he can do for me. It's not enough for me to just ask God to do his part without me doing anything on my end as well.

For me to really feel the changes in my life. I know I have to do something as well. And the first thing I did was, accepting Jesus as my savior. Accepting Him as my redeemer. My dear friend has thought and offered me this wonderful knowledge.
I'm so blessed to have a friend like her.

Jesus Christ not only uplifted my spirit, He also gives me strength to moved on. He takes away all the pain in my heart. And every time I feel pain or sadness, He's always there to carry me.

Today, my life, although not as happy as before, is more meaningful and complete. I realized who are my true friends, I realized who are ones who really love me. And I realized that whatever problems life might give us, we always have a loving Father and Savior that is 24/7 available to redeem and carry us.

God is all we need.