I thought I will never shed a tear because of him anymore. I thought I'm doing just fine. But like any other human being, once you were given a terrible news that you didn't expect (specially if its too soon to happen), your spirit will be totally crushed. It's like the pain has regenerated.
Before I heard the terrible news, I was fine. I'm starting to feel better. I was able to completely forget the break-up. I'm not even thinking of him anymore, although I'm still hopeful, I'm still optimistic that something good will happen to us. I even include him in my prayers. Then one day, the unexpected just happened.
One day I received a text from her cousin. I thought it was just a normal text, we frequently talk and share some stories over the phone. But this was different. She brought the most terrible news I ever had.
She said that his cousin (which is my ex) is already in a new relationship. It was less than 3 months after our painful break-up, and now, he has completely moved on.
I thought I can anticipate such kind of news, but I guess I was not very good at it..
It was so painful to know that he didn't love me anymore. It was so painful to know that our 1 year and 8 months relationship is finally over.
I checked their facebook accounts. And I was able to prove that he has found a new girl. They seem to look happy together. They had a bunch of photos together. It was the most painful moment I had. After looking at their accounts, I shut my computer down (I was shaking that time. I was trying to hold my tears as well because my mom & sister is around the corner. I don't want them to see me crying.) and went to my room immediately. And then, I cried.
My heart is pounding rapidly. My tears seems to be non-stop. I can't control my emotions. I held on my bible, I tried to pray to God, but it's useless. My emotions has overcome me.
I texted my friend, I told her everything. It was so painful. The courage that I have after the break-up has been tested once again. I was defeated by the pain.
Later that night, I decided to go to work. I needed to get out. I needed to be busy. Even though my heart is full of pain, I can't seem to cry. I feel numb. I talked to some of my friends and they told me to forget him already. That it was already the sign and the answer I've been waiting for.
Now, a couple of days after hearing the news, I can't really say that I'm ok again, but I'm feeling better now. I keep on thinking that God has a plan for me.
He has given me this trial, this pain because I know He wanted me to become a whole new person. Someone that can face all the adversity. Someone that will never loose his/her faith even in the most painful situation.
I may not clearly understand His plans for me right now, but like what the bible says, God will never give you something out of nowhere. He doesn't take pleasure in giving us this pain.
He's a God of Love. Not a God of pain. He loves us so much and He wanted us to grow. He wanted us to be righteous. He wanted us to be closer to Him.
I promised to myself that I'm not going to look back. I'm going to start living my life for God and my family. I've learned a lot from this experience. And when the time comes that I can stand again without feeling any pain, I can be proud of myself that I was able to surpass everything with God's help.
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