something I wanted to do even before this idea of going to Singapore materialized. I already had it in mind. I thought that when you're working in different country, it'll make you rich. It'll make your dreams of having a good & stable life come true. In some cases, these are true. We all know that. But for some, leaving this country is really not the solution.
When you are in a situation that you have to leave everything behind just for the heck of "im-doing-this-for-my-future", it makes you think whether, "Is it worth it?" "Will it work?" "Will it make things happen for me?". Sometimes having "reason" is not enough. You need to dig deeper, sometimes you need to have a purpose.
It is hard, it is terrifying to be there, on your own, not exactly sure what the future holds for you. That's what I'am feeling right now. I'm terrified to leave everything behind here, and to take the risk without having the assurance that once I get there, everything will be ok. That everything will go as planned.
I sometimes laugh at myself for feeling and thinking this way. I, who keeps on telling other people to TRUST God with all their heart, who always tells everyone that our God is a God who will PROVIDE, who always assures her friends that GOD KNOWS WHAT TO GIVE US, AND WHEN TO GIVE IT, is losing her faith and now clouded with fear & doubt.
My mind is battling against my heart. My mind dictates that I should be logical & practical. It keeps on telling me that I should do things on my own. That I'am the only one who can make my plans to come true. But my heart knows better. My heart keeps on reminding me to trust God in spite of all the pressure, doubt, fear and uncertainty. I'm telling you, it is not easy. Our mind and heart (ideally) should go hand & hand. They should go together in a perfect harmony to come up with the best solution or answer. But if one them is in contrary with the other, it leads us to confusion.
(My iTunes is now playing Forever by Chris Tomlin, search for the lyrics, the message is just what I needed, I think God is telling me something..)According to Harold Sala (author of "When your heart cries out to God"), "if Jesus is the Master of your life, there is no room for fear". I know this is true. God is our source of hope, life, and ultimate planner of our future, and as long as God exists, we can be assured that He will not let anything bad happens to us. That our future is secured, and our life is in His loving hands.
It is really important to have somebody around you that will always remind you of God's love, promises and someone who will constantly pray for you. I'm lucky to have those kind of people around me. They are God's way of telling me to keep my faith, and to hold on to His Words.
I'm praying that God will continue to teach me on how to trust in His promises and to strengthen my faith. This is His way of refining me and molding me to become the person He purposely created me for.
